As I sit here, I'm crying, remembering all the hard work that we put into this house along the way. I'll back up - you see, we decided almost two weeks ago that we are ready to purchase a piece of property and sell our home. We have been dreaming of building our own home since before we got married - we have always said that we wanted to find the perfect piece of property, and when we walked onto it, we would just know if it was for us or not...just like we did with this house we have made a home.
When we were looking for homes 5 years ago, we had been to SO many places and none of them were even in the ball park of what we were looking for. When we pulled into the driveway (we hadn't even gone over the ditch that leads up to the house yet), we looked at each other and said "this is it." Honestly, I know that sounds so crazy, but we just knew! We brought our parents out the following day and put an offer in the very same day. We knew it would take a lot of work - it was a foreclosure and we actually had to personally do a few things for the house to even pass inspection BEFORE we closed on it, so to say we poured our hearts and souls into this house is an understatement. It obviously could have used many other upgrades than the ones we have done to it, but we stripped all the walls, tore down walls to open up the eating area, kitchen, and living room, laid all new flooring throughout the house, rebuilt the stairs, stripped wallpaper off the kitchen and bathrooms, put in all new bathroom fixtures, painted the kitchen cabinets, put in a tankless water heater, all new air conditioning units (both upstairs and down), built a pantry, mudded, painted every square inch of the house, and so much more.
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| This was take the day we closed on the home - November 23, 2010 |
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| This is the back of the house - we had to add stairs coming off the back before we could close on the land. |
I have been decluttering now for two weeks - I haven't shed one tear - We have taken away two car loads and a trailer load of JUNK out of this house, and I have not even felt bad about eliminating so much from here, but the minute I started painting today I became overwhelmed by seeing all the little ways we have made it ours - and all the nicks and scratches that I am painting over makes me feel like I'm painting over our memories. I know this sounds silly, but honestly, that's exactly how I feel right now.
Don't get me wrong, I'm excited (and a bit scared) of the new phase of life we are hopefully about to embark on, but I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this house. Is that even possible? I love that this was the first home we ever purchased together, I love that we brought both my babies home here for the first time, I love watching my boys run through the house screaming at the top of their lungs with glee, I love seeing their sweet handprints all over my walls, and noticing that the small dents in the nursery are from so many nights of rocking sweet babies while nursing, or falling asleep in the rocking chair, and trucks being plowed into it, I love the dirt and grime that cover my doors because my boys are covered from head to toe in mud practically every night we come in for baths (and sometimes even nap times!), I love my kitchen - the one that I said I hated when we moved in and begged my hubby to let me paint the cabinets white to make them my own, I love that we have used every square inch of this place for our growing family, and I love that we have enjoyed it SO VERY MUCH along the way. I'm going to miss this place. I can't believe it, but I am. I'm going to miss all the oaks that are so beautiful on our property, our blackberry bushes, and my rose bushes I have gotten each year for mothers day. I'm going to miss our garden (I know we will have others, but this was the first home we ever worked on one together). I'm going to miss the drive going through Oakland and Somerville every day to get home, and the roads that we have been walking so often for the past 5 years. I'm going to miss the sweet memories each room holds most of all - the cuddling we have done reading thousands of books, the movie nights in our living room each Sunday night, the big oak tree with the kids swings tied to it - because the swings go so much higher than the regular play fort we built. I'm just going to miss it here...
But, I say all that to say that I am so thankful the Lord has given us a peace about moving from here into our forever home. We are not sure yet what it looks like, but we are excited about the opportunity to build, the chance to make it "ours" again, and the memories that will flood that home as well. So while I'm a little sad right now, I know that these bitter sweet days are probably not quite over. I'm so glad that God is faithful ALL the time and we can lean on him to carry us through. I don't want to dwell on the sadness, but I do want to write it down and move on, so here I'm trying to do just that. I know it will hit me again, but I still have those sweet babies, I just might have to put their handprints on a page or two for now and put them in a book instead of on my walls :) Our one and only purpose on this earth is to glorify the Lord. I pray that I do just that every day of my life, and that our marriage is a reflection of Christ. I pray that we are able to see HIS hand in all things. And I pray that our children are stronger because they see it in us and desire the Lord's will in their lives as well. So as one chapter closes, another opens. We are unsure of exactly what that will look like right now, but we know that God is in control of so much more than we can ever imagine. Thankful He has it in His hands and not me.
